13. Only to Fall

“Well… Shit…” Keyah blinked owlishly a moment before he went and poured himself a half pint of vodka, he made a gesture to his partner that read ‘just wait a minute’ before he downed half of it. “Alright, so. You’ve been talking to my granpa, and he sent you to someone else…” Keyah rolled his hand a little “And, now, down the line, you’re on hormones, and it’s taken all this time for you to be able to tell me?” Keyah was oddly calm, but there was no accusation in his voice.

“… Well it’s not exactly easy to tell the man I’ve been fucking that I’m a woman…” Dean felt like strangling Keyah… more of a fight was expected.

“…It’s not easy to hear either.” Keyah sighed and moved to look out of the window. “But, hell, I can’t say I blame you for taking your time.” Keyah turned around with a sad smile. “Well, what now?”

“I-… You’re not…” Dean inhaled deeply, trying to stop shaking. “You’re not dumping me? You’re not punching me in the face calling me a liar? You don’t hate me?”

“Fucking hell Dean, who in the hell do you take me for. Sure I’m hurt, I’m angry… But… I’m me. I know who I am. Can’t imagine what it’s like to… well, walk a day in your shoes.” Keyah smiled and sat beside his partner, putting his arms around those trembling shoulders. “Look, we’re over, as boyfriends. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna fall out of love with you overnight.”

Dean was lost for words and choked out an unintelligible sound or two before crying onto Keyah’s shoulder. It didn’t take long before Keyah was joining in, rather more quietly though and doing his best to be comforting. A huge part of his partner’s life was now over. On the other hand, it was an entirely new chapter.

“Um… What should I call you by the way?” Keyah broke the awkward silence with coffee and cake. “I mean… let’s face it I’m going to slip up a hell of a lot, at worst I could call you Dee. You know, d, e, e?”

“… My full birth name is Etienne Dean Salen, I’m thinking about changing it to Stephanie Salen…”

“Stephanie? Cool, where’s that come from?” Keyah had no idea why, as he was sure that Dean would want to keep the ES as initials at work, SS would be a little on the unfortunate side of things.

“Etienne is the French for Stephen…” Dean arched a brow with a smile “Means crown or something like that…”

“No middle name then?”

“… How about Deanna? I could say it’s an alternate spelling of Diana the goddess of the hunt?” Dean smiled, quite liking that idea in a way.

“Sweet, that way you’ve still got the French and Italian influences in there. What if you can’t keep Salen?” Keyah paused a moment and almost cringed.

“I… I thought of that. If my parents kick off… My name… Will probably become Stephanie Deanna Salem.” Dean chuckled at the thought, Salem was just familiar enough to work… and, it reminded him of the witch trials back in the day. It was oddly appropriate considering.

“Alright Dee, sounds good to me.” Keyah clinked his mug against his partners with a smile. It’d take some getting used to for sure, he wasn’t sure when to tell his pa-rent…s… “Wait, they don’t know?”

“Penny finally dropped?”

“Hey, no need for that, your parents are the last on my mind…” Keyah inhaled sharply, this was no time to get angry and start shouting.

“… Sorry, I just… I thought I’d have to go crawling to them telling them that… Well, everything was over and I regretted so much… fully guilt them into looking after me, or well, lose everything then start all over.”

“… I’m sorry too, I mean, I shouldn’t get angry at you. It’s not… you’ve not done – said – this to spite me.” Keyah smiled and sat beside his lover as he would do normally. “Want to tell my folks? Or should I just fill them in that I’m dating Stephanie now?”

“Would your dad murder me?” There was a pause. “I mean, either of them…”

“… Nah, one’s bisexual with a bad track record for relationships, prior to the gay man that he lives with and fucks most of the time… when his son happens to be two floors above him and still manages to hear it some nights…” Keyah shrugged, the fact his father was still capable of having a healthy sex life didn’t phase him in the slightest. “He doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He might ask questions… or he’ll ignore it entirely… god knows… And Bramam? He’d see it as nothing to do with him, unless it bothers me.” Keyah smiled and shook his head “Steph it is then.”

“I really should have said something sooner. I just… Even the therapist kept nagging me about it. They’re not supposed to, but… I guess it paid off.”

“You’re on hormones, I’d figure it out eventually… And that, well… I don’t know how I’d react to that…” Keyah looked at Deanna a moment, he had to keep in his head at the very least to think Dee, and if he could remember the rest he was there. “You know… now I think about it your skin is looking softer… That’s pretty neat…”

“… Give it a few months and I’ll have something more to show you.” Deanna grinned, before groaning “you know… I’m probably going to have to transfer out of the ED for a while…”

“Screw ’em… go visit family for a while or something. I’ll still be here… If you want me to be.” Keyah smiled before going to get some more of that vodka, he wasn’t nearly as drunk as he wanted to be for the conversation they were having.

“I’ll bring you back some Amaretto” Deanna pulled Keyah into a hug before the blonde left for the night.

It would be nearly a month before they’d even be in the same country again, it took another month before they had time to be able to see one another one to one in Deanna’s apartment again.

“Holy shit, you brought me the almond goodness that can only be Amaretto-.” Keyah hugged the box of bottles with glee, before setting them down and hugging his almost estranged partner.

“I did say I would. Sorry I’ve not had time to really see you… Transferring out of the ED into the wards has been a pain… They didn’t know where to put me. I had to remind them it didn’t really matter, male nurses tend to women all the time, females to male… why the hell should what’s in my pants bother anyone on any of the wards.”

“Well… Depends what operations you’re doing after care for I guess… I mean… I’d feel pretty uncomfortable with a transman poking down below…” Keyah coughed awkwardly before cracking open a bottle of the liqueur and taking a swig.

“… Oh…” Deanna sighed and pulled her hair into a pony at the back of her neck. “I guess… I didn’t think about that. Guess I am a freak huh?”

“Nah. You’re just you. Nobody needs to know you’re trans anyway, just, I dunno, wear the female uniform, keep your hands as manicured as they’ll let… um, keep growing your locks out-”

“Artie.”

“- and put mascara and shit on and-”

“Artie!” Deanna slipped into her more natural masculine voice a moment before clearing her throat and putting the more feminine one back on again. “The uniform is unisex for a start.” Deanna grinned a moment before they both started laughing. “I missed you, you’re an idiot sometimes, but I missed you.”

Keyah smiled and put the bottles of alcohol down at last “C’mere you.” He opened his arms and was content that Deanna was willing to sit astride him and hug him in a similar way to how they used to. Keyah rested his head on Deanna’s chest… before pulling back slightly. “Ok… that’s new…” He gently pressed two of his fingers on one of Deanna’s pectorals and found it was that bit squishier than he remembered it.

“Hey, knock it off… they’re only just starting to… well…” Deanna was going to say grow, but, realistically it was more the gradual loss of muscle tone. Dean used to work out here and there to maintain a fairly decent physique, Deanna avoided any exercise that would develop more muscle, settling now for more cardiovascular workouts. That, and the ever so slight beginning of basic pubescent breast growth would probably seem like an entirely new thing for Keyah.

“Sweet, can I see?”

“Um…”

“Roger.” Keyah smiled and gently rubbed Deanna’s shoulders “It’s ok, really. I asked, it’s a no. I’m not hurt or anything.” Keyah chuckled and kissed Deanna’s chin, for the moment it was the only place he could reach comfortably.

“You’ve seen every inch of me… but… I’m sorry, not… not now.”

“Dee, it’s fine, really. Hey, wanna do my nails? I can do yours, french manicure or uh… well that’s all I can really do right now…” Keyah did think a moment and, realistically he only knew how to do a decent job of the french style because he hung out with Mary too much when he was waiting around for Gary.

“… You know… that sounds pretty good right now…” Deanna rummaged around a little and found a couple of the hidden and hoarded nail kits that had been bought and neglected for far too long.

“Sweet- Don’t expect me to do toes, you know I’m not a fan of fondling feet.” Keyah cracked open a few of the sets and gestured for Deanna to give him a hand “I’ll do yours in stages, let your hands recover while you do mine. If you do a shit job I can fix it or you can start again. Sad thing is… you have my colours.” Keyah hinted to the black and the dark blues and purples that were in some of the colour kits.

“Somehow, I don’t want to know…”

“Asked a student… They’re pretty good with this stuff.” Keyah shrugged and said nothing more about the interactions, only that the colours apparently brought out his eyes when he held his fingers close to them when painted. When he showed up at school with painted nails, even he was surprised that nobody either noticed or gave a single fuck.

Quite a while of pampering and alcohol consumption later Deanna decided enough was enough, off went the outer layers and after some hesitation off came the very optimistic padded a cup bra.

“Well… Definitely not as masculine as before… That’s amazing… you told me two months ago, when did you start hormones again?”

“… It’s been closer to nine months…”

“Well, I’m a shitty boyfriend…” Keyah really thought that he would have noticed sooner, but, then… it only just dawned on him that they weren’t having as much sex as they used to and they were talking and cuddling a lot more. He just supposed it was the evolution of their relationship and hadn’t thought anything of it. “Well… anyway, what about Tyrone? Will you still be allowed to see Bev?”

“… No… not till I transition more…” Deanna smiled sadly. “I understand why. I’m to tell her I’m Dean’s twin or something and, he’s not around anymore… at least… that’s what they’re saying for now…”

Keyah’s eye twitched a little and he reached for the bottle he’d opened earlier “Don’t stop me… I want to smash their faces in. I’m not a drinker, but fuck you if you think drink isn’t the way right now.”

“Alright, alright…” Deanna chuckled and, in one hell of a gutsy move pulled the bottle away before Keyah swallowed one of his swigs. Using an old tried and tested expression she kissed him, taking some of the alcohol from his mouth before it all went down the hatch. “You know… I do still love you.”

“I can see that… Wanna go at it like we used to?” Keyah chuckled and made sure the bottle was safe.

“I’d like that… just, easy on the chest, it gets sore easy… and if I can’t keep it up… sorry.” Deanna rubbed the back of her neck a little sheepishly.

“Meh, if you’ve still got the toys… I think I’ll forgive you if you don’t force me to blueball.” Keyah laughed despite himself, things were about to get weird in a very wonderful way.

It was only after, when they were snuggled up in Deanna’s bed, when several of Keyah’s new scars were finally noticed. One of which was very prominent on the archer’s forearm.

“Oh that… yeah, jerkass was gonna rape… someone, hell if I know what, and I was too busy trying to find the right thing to say… ‘I got you maa- no, si-‘ and the dick stabbed me… so I tore it out of my arm and stabbed him right back… Didn’t realize till later I’d torn my muscle pretty badly, barbed tip… fucker… Lucky for me I know a lot of rehab exercises already…”

“I don’t know whether to be proud of you or hurt you right now…”

“Hey, there’s noone alive in this city that gets away with any of that crap on my watch. No means no, and stop means back the fuck off you motherfucking asshole…” Keyah shrugged, while some elements of the LGBT banner made him cringe, others he simply didn’t give a rats arse about. The ones that did make him cringe… he knew he had little right to say or do anything about, there were no elements that would actually make a difference to the way he had to live or act, so why in the hell should it bother him at all.

Keyah didn’t really get the whole Trans* thing, but, there was a student at school that was going through something just as strange, but something far more unique. It was his duty to protect and care for them as it was for any other student. Between his partner and the student he realized that he actually didn’t give a shit at all, everyone that needed to be protected should be. Everyone that needed to be knocked down a peg or two? He’d be delighted to be the one to do it.

“Artie?” Deanna arched a brow at the seeming internal monologue

“Oh sorry… Say… If someone suddenly starts choosing fashions that hides their arms… what’s the chances of it being self harm. I mean, Phys ed classes in summer… most kids in my class go with wifebeaters or vests over sports bras…”